I have an appointment to see the migraine specialist tomorrow. Inevitably, the night before I go, the song "Highway to Hell" pops in my head. It really seems like the perfect anthem for these trips.
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Grateful Sunday!
1. Dictionary.com. I just had to look up "grateful." I kept thinking it was spelled "greatful."
2. Semi-perma-brain fog from having migraines almost everyday. Sometimes it makes me laugh. (For example, #1)
3. Emerald's Cocoa Roasted Almonds. Yum
Migraine journal
I have to admit I get lazy about doing a journal about my migraine attacks. For several months, I've tracked the following info:
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- What days I have experienced a regular migraine attack which I define as:
- The migraine occurs shortly after I wake up
- My standard meds (DHE shot + Zofran) are effective.
- My pain only rarely goes over 8 on a 1-10 scale with 10 being unbearable constant *!&? pain.
- Days I have a migraine attack that do not occur in the morning.
- These are exactly like #1 except they occur after I have exercised, been stressed, left the house, etc.
- Days I have had a "monster migraine."
- These are the attacks that have no responded to my standard abortive meds (DHE shot and Zofran) so I took Stadol and Phenergan in addition to my standard meds.
- Pain is 9-10 most if not all of the day.
- These days I take lots of baths since that is one of the only things that will relax me.
- I also spend a large amount of time: laying very still in the dark with ear plugs, focusing on my breath, and reciting either Equanimity or Metta phrases.
Transparent Thursday
1. Hmm I'm not sure if "transparent" is spelled/spelt right. I'm having spelling issues.
2. I find it odd that it's illegal to discriminate against a person for employment in the US, but we might regularly discriminate against politicians for their gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, and age. The other day I was watching something about one of the potential presidential candidates who is Mormon, and it struck me as odd that this was an issue. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I've focused on these issues in making a decision about who I am going to vote for. Doesn't seem right.
3. When I have migraines, I obsess about cleaning and bills and other things I can't do when I have a migraine.
4. If I ever got a lot of money, I would take horse back riding lessons again. Love horses even though I fall off a lot.
5. Since I do not feel well much of the time, I go days without ever changing into normal clothes. Fortunately, I have several pairs of pajamas. It also comes in handy when I miss my mouth and get food or coffee on my clothes. Not as big a deal to spill stuff on my pj's. My sillies pj's are these sock monkey footy pj's I got at Target. I was so excited when I saw Mercedes on Glee had them!
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2. I find it odd that it's illegal to discriminate against a person for employment in the US, but we might regularly discriminate against politicians for their gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, and age. The other day I was watching something about one of the potential presidential candidates who is Mormon, and it struck me as odd that this was an issue. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I've focused on these issues in making a decision about who I am going to vote for. Doesn't seem right.
3. When I have migraines, I obsess about cleaning and bills and other things I can't do when I have a migraine.
4. If I ever got a lot of money, I would take horse back riding lessons again. Love horses even though I fall off a lot.
5. Since I do not feel well much of the time, I go days without ever changing into normal clothes. Fortunately, I have several pairs of pajamas. It also comes in handy when I miss my mouth and get food or coffee on my clothes. Not as big a deal to spill stuff on my pj's. My sillies pj's are these sock monkey footy pj's I got at Target. I was so excited when I saw Mercedes on Glee had them!
Weird Wednesday
Yes, that is a sock monkey on the top of the Christmas tree. One of the weirdest things about me and my hubby is that we collect sock monkeys. It just kind of happened; it wasn't something we planned to do. When we first started dating, I told him about this sock monkey I had as a kid. He got me one for my birthday as a joke and it spiraled from there. One of the first years we celebrated Christmas together, we couldn't find the star to put on the tree. I had some Santa clothing I would put on the cats for Christmas pics. We decided to put them on Sammy (our fist sock monkey) and put him on the tree. It became a tradition! About 5 years ago we got him a full Santa suit from Build A Bear. What's one of the weirdest things about you?
Looking for more fun weirdness visit my favorite weird blogger: It's Ok To Be Weird
Grateful Sunday!
I try to remind myself to do regular check-ins with myself about what I'm grateful for, but I often forget. Maybe if I get into the habit of doing it on my blog, I'll remember!
1. When my hubby is concentrating really hard, sometimes he waggles his tongue horizontally. (Please don't tell him I told you.)
2. Often, when Pandora, our kitty, is fixing to go to the bathroom, she quacks at us to let us know.
3. Puppy pads. (Pandora likes to go to the bathroom with all of her except her bottom in the litter box. Puppy pads make it so much easier to clean.)
(Pandy's embarrassed I told you about her bathroom habits.)
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1. When my hubby is concentrating really hard, sometimes he waggles his tongue horizontally. (Please don't tell him I told you.)
2. Often, when Pandora, our kitty, is fixing to go to the bathroom, she quacks at us to let us know.
3. Puppy pads. (Pandora likes to go to the bathroom with all of her except her bottom in the litter box. Puppy pads make it so much easier to clean.)
Tally of medical bills and # of migraines
In one of my previous posts, My medical bill total this year, I explained what my tally in further detail.
I forgot at the beginning of June to update it!
Out of pocket medical expenses from 1/1/11-5/31/11
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I forgot at the beginning of June to update it!
Out of pocket medical expenses from 1/1/11-5/31/11
$1,189 Health insurance premiums
1,401 Medication co-pays
606 Doctor visits
56 Dentist
$2,875 Total
Number of days I've had migraines 1/1/11-5/31/11: 74
Number of days I've had migraines from 6/10-5/11: 146
Number of days I've had migraines 1/1/11-5/31/11: 74
Number of days I've had migraines from 6/10-5/11: 146
Giving up before I even got started
For the second time in my life, I feel like I'm giving up on a career before I even got started. Yet I felt passion about both--I loved reading and writing about the philosopher I studied, Ludwig Wittgenstein. I also loved to read about counseling, the practice, treatments, and theory. And I loved working with people diagnosed with a serious mental illness. With both, I left the field largely unwillingly. Both involved emotionally felt losses that I defined as confirming my greatest fears about myself.
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Huh? Didn't you only have one leg last week?
I am very excited I was awarded disability a month after I applied, but I also have mixed feelings about it. It feels so wrong to be disabled at 39. I am having a hard time accepting it. I realize I'm not special and lots of people become disabled at young ages including children. I understand fairness does not come into play in illness, but I am still pissed off.
My mother in law left yesterday after visiting us for several days. I had migraines almost every day she was here. I wanted to watch tv and movies with her or watch the cats go ballistic over squirrels in the bird feeder outside our living room even though these activities increased the severity of my migraine attacks. It took me a few days to realize the activities were doing so.
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My mother in law left yesterday after visiting us for several days. I had migraines almost every day she was here. I wanted to watch tv and movies with her or watch the cats go ballistic over squirrels in the bird feeder outside our living room even though these activities increased the severity of my migraine attacks. It took me a few days to realize the activities were doing so.
MIA
Sorry I haven't been posting. I've been feeling so ill with the migraines. I'm worn out! I got great news though! I was approved for disability! Woot! At least I don't have to worry about money now. I'll be back to posting after I start feeling some better!
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Please play "I like big butts" at my funeral
A few years ago, my husband got me a CD for Christmas called -- oh hell I don't know what it was called, but it was all music about butts. There was this song about donkey butt (eww), "Rump Shaker," of course there was "I Like Big Butts," and "Big Bottom Girls." I was just trying to figure out what it was called and when I typed in "butt music" in Amazon, all this Bach came up. Dumbfounded, I told my hubby about this odd result. He somehow knew the conductor for all these Bach albums was a guy named Butt. How does he know these things? He's so weird. Anywho, I love music about butts! They are perfect comic relief for lots of occasions: on my way to take a final exam, feeling sick, being grouchy as all get out, etc.
I think I also like butt music because I have butt envy. I have a pancake butt. It's a curse I inherited from my Dad. I never understood why my Dad has chosen to wear suspenders instead of belts. And I wish I never did understand. The reason became clear as I grew up and my butt refused to grow at all. Wearing a belt becomes pointless if I am trying to keep my pants up. Having no butt, the belt offers no help. Hence, I believe my Dad wears suspenders to keep his pants up. I've never actually confirmed this with my Dad. I might want "I Like Big Butts" and "Big Bottom Girls" played at my funeral, but talking to my dad about his legacy of no-butt-ness would be awkward.
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I think I also like butt music because I have butt envy. I have a pancake butt. It's a curse I inherited from my Dad. I never understood why my Dad has chosen to wear suspenders instead of belts. And I wish I never did understand. The reason became clear as I grew up and my butt refused to grow at all. Wearing a belt becomes pointless if I am trying to keep my pants up. Having no butt, the belt offers no help. Hence, I believe my Dad wears suspenders to keep his pants up. I've never actually confirmed this with my Dad. I might want "I Like Big Butts" and "Big Bottom Girls" played at my funeral, but talking to my dad about his legacy of no-butt-ness would be awkward.
The cost of inaction
Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, "Man's inhumanity to man is not only perpetrated by the vitriolic actions of those who are bad, it also perpetrated by the vitiating inaction of those who are good."
It has been about six months since I first learned of the atrocities occuring in Congo. After reading some non-fiction books about the genocide in Rwanda, I stumbled across Lisa Shannon's A Thousand Sisters: My Journey to the World's Worst Place to be a Woman. I learned that many of the perpetrators of the genocide in Rwanda moved to the Congo and have been committing atrocities there. According to a New York Times article published yesterday, "New Study Suggests Higher Incidence of Rape in Congo", over 400,000 Congo women were raped in a year. For the last 15 years, multiple militias and even the government troops are accused of using rape as a weapon of war and conflict. Women who live there are in constant danger of being attacked and can do little to make their lives safer. Victims of the violence also include children.
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