I have long had the goal of being more sane. This might be an unattainable, but get off my back! A girl has to have a dream. In my recent efforts to be more sane I've added some new bells and whistles to my practice. As some of you know, I'm a Buddhist. As a Buddhist, I try to practice daily. This includes meditation for half an hour, and I practice mindfulness throughout the day. For the last few months, I have been focusing on Equanimity practice.
In "Equanimity: Our Greatest Friend", Shaila Catherine defines equanimity as "complete openness to experience, without being lost in reactions of love and hate." Wow that sounds nifty. This is definitely a quality I could do with more of! Being chronically ill has tested my patience to put it mildly. I get caught up in anger at my body's failings. I blame myself for the migraines thinking if only I ate better, exercised, and was less of a nut, that I would have less migraines. Of course, such self-blame only makes matters worse and inevitably contributes to me having more migraines. Ugh! Like most migraineurs, I get more migraines when I'm stressed. I do equanimity practice with the hope that I will more more accepting of my situation and stop fighting against reality.
Equanimity practice consists of me silently repeating phrases to myself. I have adapted these phrases to focus on particular aspects that I find helpful.
The phrases I use:
- May my heart and mind be in balance.
- Things are as they are regardless of my wishes.
- Things are impermanent.
- Joy and sorrow arise and pass away.
- May I be at peace in the face of it all.
In addition to repeating these phrases over and over during meditation, I'm trying to catch myself when I feel fed up, annoyed, and downright angry. When I do catch myself, I repeat the phrases slowly. I'm not sure how much it's helping--but I do find repeating them slowly pulls me out of that fast spiral of yuck. Let's hope some of today I can get out of the toilet bowl spiral of yuck.
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