Highway to Hell

I have an appointment to see the migraine specialist tomorrow. Inevitably, the night before I go, the song "Highway to Hell" pops in my head. It really seems like the perfect anthem for these trips.

Don't get the wrong idea, I love Doc. He reminds me of Richard Dreyfus in "What About Bob?"--in a good way.

I hope to God I do not remind him of Bob. I can't imagine Doc strapping explosives to my body. Doc speaks all calm like. Whenever I see him, I leave feeling convinced I've accomplished the greatest feat. He's so encouraging. When he gives me thirty or so Botox injections on my head, all the while pushing my pressure points and putting me in intense pain, he says softly, "You're doing great, Krista. You're doing great." I think "Woot! I'm doing great!" And I think, "I'm going to get better! My migraines attacks will diminish-- thanks to my wonderful great doctor." But it's still a Highway to Hell.

The pain is one of the reasons I call this journey a Highway to Hell. Another is it's a 4 hour drive EACH way. Usually it is 7 levels of increasing unpleasantness. I usually get a migraine on the way since it's sunny out.  I normally take shots of DHE for the migraine attacks, but I hate giving myself a shot in a gas station bathroom. It just  feels wrong. Like I'm in a seedy movie or something without all the excitement. So I wouldn't have to shoot up in the bathroom like a heroin addict without all the fun, one of the docs gave me the inhaled version of the med I take. It's a nasal spray called Migranal.  After opening the package and assembling all the parts, you put a shot in each nostril and hold your nose closed. For FIFTEEN minutes. Mmhmm. No inhaling through the nose. No tilting your head back. Oh and after 15 minutes, you shoot another dose and again hold your nose closed for another fifteen more minutes. I used to keep band-aids with me so I could use them to keep my nose closed. Although I clearly hated taking the Migranal, I am quite slow. It took me about 3 trips before I realized a shot would be much easier. So now, I just do the shot. At least it's over fast.

It's not all bad. One of the perks about getting a migraine while driving though is that it usually doesn't come with the same symptoms my normal migraines do. If I get a migraine when I wake up (the majority of my migraine attacks), I get pain, nausea, and a ton of other not so fun symptoms. I get confused, clumsy, weak, and dizzy. I'm sure there are others but I'm a freakin' wreck!! For some reason, when I get the migraines later in the day after being in the sun, activity, or stress, I get pain, but that's it. I usually get sleepy when I drive, but if I have a migraine, I don't get tired at all!

I am so thankful my hubby is off work for the summer (he teaches) because I won't have to drive tomorrow. But I'm scared of how sick I might get. I know, the worry only makes it worse! But I'm hyper as hell and ready to run around the block in fear. (Note: this is highly unusual as I have not actually ran (run?) in several years.) My first instinct when I get anxious is to eat! EAT! I deferred my eating urge and made myself do some relaxation. I felt better after relaxation but I still wanted food! So I made a salad--hoping this would satisfy my urge to stuff myself silly. But noooo, even though I ate a bunch of salad and drank about 32 ounces of water until I felt like I was going to explode, the Doritos would not leave my mind. I tried reading. Nope, no good. Pat the cats. Nope. Took a shower. Nothing helped! So I did it, I ate a bunch of Spicy Nacho Doritos. Now I feel awful. But at least I'm not as worried about the doc appointment! The discomfort of my stomach is distracting me from freaking out. Yes, I know this is exceedingly unhealthy, but I'm really trying to keep myself from going unhinged.

So, you might still be wondering why I think of it as a Highway to Hell and why I'm a wreck. Or maybe you don't. I'm not exactly logical at the moment. Honestly, I'm scared to death I'm never going to get better. I realize that me not keeping up with all the relaxation, good diet, exercise, etc has helped my migraines come back full force. It also doesn't help that it was a year ago in June when I got intensive outpatient treatment at the Doc's. Although I was scared to hope I'd get better, I did slowly. And now, I'm back to where I started--only worse. Last year I was having 16 days a month with migraines. I've had 13 so far this month. Bah! I know, blaming myself doesn't help, but it's hard not to. I'm getting back on track. I've started doing some moderate exercise and I'm doing meditation and relaxation more regularly. Hopefully Doc will have some new ideas for me to try along with the Botox injections. Hope I remembered to put Highway to Hell on on my ipod.


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