With all these stupid migraines I've been getting, I've found my mind frequently gets into a yuck spiral. (yuck=Why is this happening to me? Seriously, another migraine? Is this really a migraine? Should I have taken medicine? Oh my goodness, it's costing a fortune. I would so die if I had to live in a refrigerator box. I must be close to a world records with the number I'm having. It would be fun to be in the Guiness World Records book. I sure did love to get them when the book bus came to school. Is my life always going to be like this? This is awful! How does my hubby put up with me. I'm losing my mind! Why is this happening to me?) Around and around I go. I pick up speed and my mind races through the spiral over and over and over and over.
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Thirsty for Comments Thursday
It's not a traditional hop where blogs are just looking for followers. Instead hoppers are asked to visit the post that is linked and to comment thoughtfully on the post. I love this! I am very new to blogging, and am still pretty confused about what I'm doing. I would love feedback.
New series: You might be a migraneur if. . .
It's amazing what becomes difficult after I've had almost daily migraines for a few months. I cannot help but laugh at myself sometimes, so I decided to start a series.
You might be a migraineur if.. . .
1. Hanging up pants blows your mind
2. Hanging up pants leaves you winded
3. You tell someone you need to find the last 3 weeks of your tax returns
4. You're pretty sure you feel pain in your toenails when you have migraines.
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| Jill Greenberg's "Monkey with Headache" |
You might be a migraineur if.. . .
1. Hanging up pants blows your mind
2. Hanging up pants leaves you winded
3. You tell someone you need to find the last 3 weeks of your tax returns
4. You're pretty sure you feel pain in your toenails when you have migraines.
My Dad got bit by so many owls over the years
I will admit I am on the gullible side. As a child when my dad came home with cuts from working as a heating and air conditioner repair person, I'd ask him how he got hurt. Inevitably he'd tell me an owl bit him or my mom did. I had never noticed any owls flying around in Florida, but it seemed plausible. (Side note--I am scared of birds. Maybe this is one of the reasons why.) I also never knew my mom to bite anyone, so that was a little harder to swallow, but I partly believed him. I have a love of reading about other cultures and when I stumbled upon Greg Mortenson's books, "Three Cups of Tea" and "Stones Into Schools", I fell in love with his fantastic stories. I recounted the tales in GM's books to whoever would listen. He inspired me. I believed all of it. Ends up it inspired and affected a whole heck of a lot of people. Last week 60 Minutes did a segment recounting some of the allegations that some of GM's stories were untrue. There are also allegations about financial misconduct. In the last week, others have come forward with further allegations. For those of you not familiar with the books or his organization, Central Asia Institute, I'll briefly recount his story.
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Thanks, but I think I'll pass on being pals with a sex offender
Yesterday, I got a big envelope in the mail about the prisoner pen pal program I had signed up for. I sat with my hubby, and we looked through the info. He cautions me when I get taken away with some idea of mine. I tend to be too trusting when I first meet people. I tend to see the good in people to the point of fault. When I worked with parolees and people with drug problems, he knew I would come home many days enthusiastically describing how great my new clients were. "Yeah, you'd never know he committed armed robbery. He's the nicest guy!" I know this sounds ridiculous, and I acknowledge that I can be rather ridiculous. I'm not sure what it is about me, but it takes me awhile to figure out that some people aren't all they seem to be. Predictably, my hubby also grew used to me coming home a little droopy, "You'll never guess what happened today. One of my clients went bat crazy and put a hole in the wall when she slammed the coat rack into it." Or, "I couldn't believe it! One of the women punched a police officer!"
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That's right, I beat the piss out of her
First, let me say, this whole blog thing is blowing my mind. In terms of trying to format it, I'm struck stupid. I have tried to put up pictures on the main page but it was all wonky, so it's just going to look like shite until I get myself well enough to figure our html or whatever-the-hell-ml. There should be a pic of a kitty. That's Pandora, our kitty, in a food coma.
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I'm getting a pen pal who is jail. Yes, I know this sounds like a big bowl of wrong.
At the beginning of the year I followed along with an online spiritual program. This is an annual gathering of people from different wisdom traditions such a Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, etc. (I'm Buddhist.) There are different leaders on the site and people sign up to listen to talks each day from one or more of the leaders. After listening to the talks, people do spiritual practice for about half an hour. When I signed up for the program, I received a newsletter that included lots of info and a little blurb about a Pen Pal program for persons in jail. I know, it already sounds like a bad idea, but wait!
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Day 3 of a migraine
I'm on day 3 of a migraine. Not a bad one by any means. Pain has been intermittent. I have felt fatigued and nauseous, but I've been able to do mindless things on the computer most of the day. I have been hella confused though. When I went to meditate today, I tried to set the alarm on my phone after 30 min. It's was 1:56 pm and it took me a good 3 or 4 tries to figure out what time the alarm should go off. I set it over and over. It really blew my mind! lol.
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127 Migraine Days in the last year
This probably a bad idea, but I added up how many days in the last year I've had a migraine. My total is 127. I think this may have been a bad idea because it's depressing. But I do think it confirms why I feel so frustrated. It also demonstrates how much migraines have affected my daily life and my ability to function. Sometimes people assume that when I say I have a migraine, that I am having a severe headache. Migraines are far more than a headache.
The National Headache Foundation refers to migraines as migraine attacks because migraines affect the body's systems. For example along with the headache, I have increased sensitivity to light, smells, and noise. I get nauseous and fatigued. My ability to concentrate is diminished. I get confused and have difficulty expressing myself verbally when I have an attack. I also experience mood swings. I was so relieved when I found out that emotional instability was a symptom of migraine attacks. I had feared I was losing my mind!
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The National Headache Foundation refers to migraines as migraine attacks because migraines affect the body's systems. For example along with the headache, I have increased sensitivity to light, smells, and noise. I get nauseous and fatigued. My ability to concentrate is diminished. I get confused and have difficulty expressing myself verbally when I have an attack. I also experience mood swings. I was so relieved when I found out that emotional instability was a symptom of migraine attacks. I had feared I was losing my mind!
Devastated
OK I've been trying to figure out how to write about all that I've lost in the last weeks. Trying not to sound desperate and worthy of pity though the words I think describes me most are desperate and pitiful. It's not that I don't have so many blessings in my life. I have a wonderful husband who is more than I fear I deserve. I aspire to be worthy of him. At the same time, I tell myself that I am worthy and try to sit with the guilt. Not even wanting to understand why I feel guilty. Bleck. I have a supportive family, a few wonderful friends, and my wonderful kitties. But damnit, I feel awful sometimes. Devastated and desperate. Grasping onto anything that might mean life if worth living. I know I'm not supposed to feel this way--at the same time knowing there is no way I'm supposed to feel. See the problem? lol.
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"Think Positive"
In the first class I took towards a Master of Arts in Professional Counseling, the teacher spoke to us about how counselors should not give advice to clients because, amongst other reasons, it is not helpful. This was a statement that has been repeated many times during my education. Instead a counselor should attempt to see the world through the client’s eyes and use empathy to convey understanding. In giving advice, the counselor would be leading the client to think that the counselor is an expert who knows how to solve the client’s problems better than he does. Instead the client should be seen as someone who is an expert on his life who can solve his own problems with assistance. The counselor may help the client explore other options and possible consequences, but the client holds the ability and responsibility in making his own decisions.
Having chronic illness has given me many lessons concerning how it feels to be given advice. When I tell people I have frequent migraine attacks that prevent me from working, many people give well meaning advice about methods I might use to stop the migraine attacks. Many include possible treatments, supplements, et cetera. I appreciate these sorts of advice giving because although my doctors and I have tried a wide variety of treatments, I know there are many I do not know of that I can try. I am willing to try most anything.
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Having chronic illness has given me many lessons concerning how it feels to be given advice. When I tell people I have frequent migraine attacks that prevent me from working, many people give well meaning advice about methods I might use to stop the migraine attacks. Many include possible treatments, supplements, et cetera. I appreciate these sorts of advice giving because although my doctors and I have tried a wide variety of treatments, I know there are many I do not know of that I can try. I am willing to try most anything.
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