That's right, I beat the piss out of her

First, let me say, this whole blog thing is blowing my mind. In terms of trying to format it, I'm struck stupid. I have tried to put up pictures on the main page but it was all wonky, so it's just going to look like shite until I get myself well enough to figure our html or whatever-the-hell-ml. There should be a pic of a kitty. That's Pandora, our kitty, in a food coma.

I have no kids--you should thank me because if I did, they would be monsters.  When my cats act like complete ingrates, I think to myself, imagine if they were human. My oldest kitty is Pandora. We've been hanging since 1995. She's 17 and let's just say her body is slowing down. Allow me to list dear Pandora's ailments. She takes a supplement daily or she won't poo. She has ibs. Yes, that's right, my cat has irritable bowel syndrome. Just for a moment imagine you are in the vet office and the vet tells you not to stress out your cat. So, yeah, ok. So when someone asks us to pet-sit, I respond, "Oh our cat has ibs so we can't. It'll stress her out." Trust me when I say they never call again about pet-sitting. You ought to try it! Oh sorry, it's hard to keep me on track--back to Pandy's ailments. She has acidy stomach so she takes Pepcid. Hmm, what else. Oh she has arthritis--all over. And she has asthma. Did I mention she has her own inhaler? It's convenient that her and my husband are on the same asthma med or I'd have to go back to ordering hers from Canada. Oh she's got heart disease from all those years of fast living. Kidney disease, check. And hyperthyroid. So, all in all she's got issues. You'd think she'd be half dead by reading her list, but she's quite active! She runs, plays, attacks us at random, cries, carries toys around. She acts pretty normal. Well normal to us.

Every night I "sit with the girls." I plop down on the couch with a book and sit with Pandora on one side of me, and Pimmy (the other kitty) on the other. Pimmy hates Pandy so they have so sit on opposite sides. I pet one when I'm on the left page of the book, the other when I'm on the right page. I really am trying not to have a favorite though Pimmy is a big fat jerk lots of the time.

Pandora is not one who likes being pet like other cats. Pandora likes getting beat. She also likes me to pull her skin, but I'll get into that in another post. Before you call cat protective services, beating is just a fancy name for patting her real hard. It's akin to dribbling a basketball. She lays with her butt up in the air and then I know it's time for the beating to begin. And I just pat her with a steady rhythm. I try not to beat her too hard or she gets excited and has an asthma attack. I also have to make sure I don't aggravate her arthritis, so I'm beating her side more than anything. Trying not to hit the hips or the shoulders. It really is a production, but I spoil her. So the other night I was beating her, and I was watching her because if I hurt her, she turns her head and quacks to let me know I need to stop. If I don't notice, she will try to kill me. As I was watching her, my hand came down on her side like normal and whizz spurted out. Yes, Pandora peed. She's gotten a lil leaky in her old age. The weird thing was, she didn't know anything happened. She, having no idea she just leaked a lil, looked back at me--demanding more beating. So after wiping her off (with a paper towel my hubby brought), I just went on beating her. As a precautionary measure I now have a puppy pad under where she lays. So if I ever beat the piss out of her again, the couch will be protected.